Open The Eyes Of My Heart.

--Wake Me Up When September Ends--

    Well its officially 2 weeks before the first biggest day of the rest of my life. :)

Today it was brought to my attention even though I had no idea I have touched someones life, sometimes we aren't lucky enough to know everyone that we've touched through our lives till we die. Today I was lucky enough to know Ive made a difference in someones life with my words that I type on here. Its really hard to keep on track ya know every day life comes in the way and I was doing super great reading my bible every day, then all of the sudden you  miss one day then your missing 2, 3. 4 so on and so forth. Today when someone mentioned me and my words touching their lives was such an encouragement to me to keep reading and to keep posting.
Alone time with God seems to be so hard to find in a life where we are just too busy. And hearing God sometimes is my major malfunction. Ive been known to say I never hear him! Why doesn't he talk to me?! Why when I pray do I not hear him?! Well maybe its because I'm really not listening when i read my bible I have my phone close by just incase I get a text, or I have facebook up and running just in case i get a notification, or the tv on just incase I miss the football game or my favorite tv show. Ive also come to realize that everyone hears him a different way mine is through what little bit of scripture when i think about certain things he will remind me of a scripture or Ill turn in on Klove (even though the music sometimes always sounds the same sometimes its exactly what I need) and sometimes he sends me a song that fits exactly what im going through. I need God to come and renew my heart! I need him to come change me from the inside out I need to be undone and I need him to set me straight. I want him to make me exactly what he wants, a good wife, a great friend, the best example to the people that look up to me, i need him to make me what i hope will be the best mom i could possibly be and i want him to make me the best witness i can be even someone as quiet as me, the girl that usually just listens and never talks let my words move someone with all this mumble jumble being said....im gonna find a devotion for today and a song that is on my heart today.

I've been here before
Now, here I am again
Standing at the door
Praying You'll let me back in
To label me
A prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I've been known to be
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one
Who can undo what I've become
I focused on the score
But I could never win
Trying to ignore
A life of hiding my sin
To label me
A hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I've been known to be
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one
Who can undo what I've become
Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
You are the only one who can undo
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become



Job 33:14--For God may speak in one way, or in another, yet man does not perceive it.
God can speak to us in as many was as He can imagine. He is very creative when it comes to getting our attention. He can whisper to us while we are still, or shout to us in our busyness. we can read the bible and know that He has just spoken directly to our situation. A teacher may teach from the Scripture and God speaks through him or her. He uses billboards, phone calls, hugs from friends, successes, failures, and ordinary humdrum experiences. He will do whatever it takes, intervene whenever necessary to get you to look up and know that He is God. Do you have eyes to see? Do you have ears to hear God speaking to you?
--Open the eyes of my heart Lord.

One of the cruel things about failure is that it can make you afraid.

Hey Readers!
    Well today may not be a long post just something I feel I need to write it helps me understand the way I'm feeling. I went through a rough patch not too long ago where my dad had to kidnap me and have one of those father daughter talks because I didn't know what I was doing. I told him "Dad Ive failed before what makes me so sure I wont fail this time and I don't even know if I know what love is" and with that my dad answered "theres your answer your scared because you've failed and don't tell me you don't know what love is we didn't raise you that way you know exactly what love is." So with that being said as I finished James i read something that really hit home for me. Being engaged 3 times and been married and divorced you feel like the ultimate failure(thats even without everyone and their moms opinions) (all before 25) and you feel like you've let everyone down including God, and it makes you so scared to try again. So when I read this....it fit. and ill end it with this.

     "Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms."-James 5:13
   Did you know that falling short of a goal is not a very good indicator of how successful a person will be in life? Success comes from people who never quit trying.Failure may shake them up, but it doesn't stop them. You've got to jump right back in and try again when you fail. Don't let a failed goal beat you up. Making a mistake doesn't make you a failure in life!Its important to constantly pursue excellence in every area of your life. But the fact is, you will fall short somewhere along the way. Learn from your mistakes and take all your anxieties to the Lord. One of the cruel things about failure is that it can make you afraid. Some people get so afraid of failing again they refuse to try. (that's where i was i didn't want to try i want to say love didn't exists for me the easy way out) So pray pray pray and ask the Lord for strength to face the challenge again. Ask him to provide a clear path for you to walk through-removing obstacles that tripped you up before. Each time you think about your failure, talk to God about it. Give him the burden of it, thank him for the great success you are to him and listen as he whispers to you, "never never give up."